Sunday, August 24, 2014

Life lately : At 20.

Dear future-self,

Gee, it's been a while. So how do I even begin this? Let me check if everything's all set. Phone - charging, e-mail - no new mails, laptop - full battery, sun - hasn't set on this part of Asia , earphones - plugged and lastly, Right. Since my last Life lately post, I've read about 5 novels, 1 self-help (actually 2, but I've read half of both and we all know 2 halves make one. Haha corny) drank lots of tea but nothing's gonna change my love for coffee. Yes, you, Americano. Is this a sign of aging? I used to prefer lattes back in college. Haha Going back, I'm reading two self-helps : 1) Don't sweat the small stuff 2) The Happiness Project. Why? Oh you know, I guess I'm one of those "finding myself" kids. Before I start boring my future self with what may seem to her as a petty problem of the past, allow me to share shots of my instagram account and see how life was on instagram. Oh my, I sound so weird. Guess that's just me being me. Haha

Over the past few months, my life took a 180 degree flip. It was drastic, the changes were drastic but  were somehow manageable. Manageable? Yes, and I've got the best support system to thank. I know I haven't gotten to the state wherein I can actually say that I'm okay now, like really okay. The girl's still finding herself and she's got a support system to shed some light, to knock some sense into her when she's just being a pain-in-the-ears whiner. ( I would say arse but it's the ears we use.)  Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! You guys know who you are and can I just say, I'm very blessed to have you and I will be forever grateful. :) 

I've been wanting to blog about this, whatever it's called, since last month but I couldn't get my thoughts together. Those were my whining days, it's a good thing I didn't blog back then. Haha Anyway, I decided to blog right after the March chapter of the Happiness project. See, both books have been quite helpful. My, my, the realizations! It's all quite basic but the hustle and bustle of the life most of us are living and the image, the so-called standards of society, all those would just get into our heads and just stress us out. The fact that we're not like computers that could just be programmed and cross off items on to-do lists, we have to add emotions to that equation and for a person who isn't good in handling her emotions, especially anger, it's quite overwhelming. Really. 

Uhm. You see when I get hurt or mad, I don't really express it verbally. I try to understand things, I try to be mature because I want to be mature. I try to put myself in other people's shoes and try to understand them but then the unexpressed hurt or anger gets bottled up inside. And later on when it's all too much, boom goes the grenade. From where I am now, what I did, as much as I wanted to seem mature, wasn't so mature at all. To me, it was a sign of weakness. I guess all I can say now is, I should've known better. I know there's always a better way of handling emotions, I guess that's why I started reading those self-help books and when I feel like I've had enough realizations to process for a day, I take a break and read a novel.

 I've been quite numb for a while, so I read Lang Leav's Love and misadventure. I was so heartless and her poetry just made me feel everything, all at the same time. I would stop after reading a #relatable one, digest it and read it once again. Yes, I used "#relatable" because that's what I said in my mind. HASHTAGRELATABLE. Haha Oh look, the sun is setting and I'm still not done blabbing. 

I wouldn't say that things have gone wrong. From a different perspective ("the happiness project" effect kicking in), things have taken a different turn. The changes were quite sudden but I'm still thankful, I cannot emphasize how thankful I am. I got a call two weeks ago and I started a new job, a full-time job. Also, the exam last June that I was preparing for, the results were released two days ago and I passed! I swear I was tearing up in the ferry ride back home after taking the exam because I was scared that I wouldn't make it. And just to add up to the changes, I decided to get a haircut. I got a long bob and had my roots retouched. I got my eyes checked, not blind like love now! Hahaha Oh my, I've got an odd sense of humor. Hahaha

Well, that's life lately. To be honest, I'm still scared and I've got to admit that there are times I want to return to the safe and familiar. That's normal, right? It's really scary stepping into the unfamiliar but it's also quite exciting. You'll never know what you'll find or pick up along the way. Well, here's to finding myself, finding my odd self. *high-five, future self* Haha. Let me leave you with a quote that I read in The Happiness Project :

We are happy when we are growing - William Butler Yeats 

1 comment:

  1. What a lovely life update! Sounds like you've been going through a lot of life changes lately, but glad they've been seeming manageable and congrats on the new job! Loving the haircut too :)